How to Talk to Your Husband About Intimacy

What comes to mind when you think about talking to your husband about physical intimacy?

It seems logical that we should talk about something so vital to our relationship, but for many women it also seems scary.

Maybe you can relate...

“It feels so awkward to talk about it.”

“Every time we try to talk about it, it ends up in a fight.”

“I don’t know how to express what I really feel inside.

“If we talk about it, he’ll try to talk me into things I don’t feel like doing.”

It might not be easy to start talking, but it can heal your soul when you start connecting on this level.  Expect it to feel uncomfortable at first, but do it anyway…because you deserve a happy marriage. 

Here are my best tips to guide you through it!

1- Practice acceptance of each other first.  When both partners feel accepted by each other and are comfortable sharing non-intimate feelings, they are more open to sharing the more vulnerable parts of desire. 

2- Choose a time to talk that is convenient for both of you.  Do not try to have this discussion when one of you is trying to be intimate already (I may have made that mistake a few times), or if one of you is tired, emotional or distracted.

3- Be willing to feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable at first.  It will get easier as you do it more.  If you’d rather not be looking eye-to-eye, consider going for a walk together or talking while you are cuddled side-by-side.

4- Recognize that you both have different desires and needs, and it’s OK to be different.  This will help you be open to hearing what your husband has to say without judgment.

5- Ask and answer good questions. Here are some samples:

What was I taught about sex as a child that I still think about sometimes?

What expectations did I have about sex coming into marriage?
What holds me back the most?

Do I have any fears about sex now, if so what are they?

What doesn’t feel good?

What does feel good?

6- Listen, Listen, Listen without taking offense.  Try to really understand where he is coming from.  You don’t have to agree with him, but if you try to understand why he feels the way he does, it will help you find solutions together.  The more comfortable you are telling each other the truth, the better your relationship will be!

Need some help getting started?  Contact me here so we can discuss you individual situation.  It's free and I promise you will walk away with practical insight that you can start implementing right way!