Bedroom Confidence for Good Women

We all need help. ALL of us find ourselves in need at some point. Have you ever wanted to seek help, but felt ashamed or embarrassed to talk to someone?  I have found these feelings to be especially prevalent when talking about marriage and intimacy.  Aren’t these things just supposed to naturally work themselves out?...not usually. Listen to this bishop’s story prior to seeking help. “Sex had been a disaster from the beginning of the marriage.  What made it worse was he felt that good Latter-day Saints shouldn’t have such problems.  He believed that if anyone should have a model marriage, the bishop and his wife should.  In fact, virtually everyone in the ward assumed they were the perfect couple, and he felt both hypocritical and a little bitter that the image was false.” In frustration, the bishop said, “Show me the justice of it.  We keep all the commandments.  We pay a full tithe and a lot more.  Neither of us ha...

Did you know physical touch has the power to heal by transferring vital energy between human beings? Dr. Harvey L Gochros explained, “We develop a form of emotional scurvy that we call by different terms: depression, stress, anxiety, aggression and midlife crisis.   Lack of touch is just as detrimental to our health as a lack of Vitamin C and just as easy to remedy.” So interesting! Human beings have a universal need for touch.    In one horrendous  study  babies actually died from the simple lack of touch. When intimacy is lacking in a marriage, serious consequences can also be found.   Lack of physical touch often leads our minds down a lonely path of feeling isolated, sad, depressed and unaccepted. To be clear intimacy doesn’t always imply sexual contact.   There are many ways to start filling your “touch bucket” right now.    1- Give lots of hugs 2- Hold hands 3- Stroke hair or skin 4- Snuggle or ...

What comes to mind when you think about talking to your husband about physical intimacy? It seems logical that we should talk about something so vital to our relationship, but for many women it also seems scary. Maybe you can relate... “It feels so awkward to talk about it.” “Every time we try to talk about it, it ends up in a fight.” “I don’t know how to express what I really feel inside. “If we talk about it, he’ll try to talk me into things I don’t feel like doing.” It might not be easy to start talking, but it can heal your soul when you start connecting on this level.   Expect it to feel uncomfortable at first, but do it anyway…because you deserve a happy marriage.   Here are my best tips to guide you through it! 1- Practice acceptance of each other first.   When both partners feel accepted by each other and are comfortable sharing non-intimate feelings, they are more open to sharing the more vulnerable parts of desire. ...

Does your phone or computer ever buffer? You know that little circle just keeps turning and you keep waiting. It can be a little frustrating at times, especially when it takes forever and nothing loads. Sometimes I buffer too.  In fact most of us do, and it isn't really good for us. As far as humans are concerned, buffering is what we do to avoid pain or a negative emotion.  When we are sad and we eat all the sugary foods.  When we are stressed and we veg out in front of the TV for hours.  When we are lonely and we scroll through Facebook half of the day.  These are all forms of buffering. Does it matter?  Probably.  If we buffer so much that we aren't able to stay present with our life and work through the emotions we are feeling, it can stifle our growth and cause us to become stuck in a place of suffering. Buffering or avoiding emotion does not make our negative emotions go away, it just makes us not see or feel them for a time. ...

Do you have teenagers?  Or kids that will one day be teenagers? If so, you have probably thought about the possibility of your child being exposed to porn. Brian Willoughby, BYU professor and researcher says we shouldn't be teaching our kids about pornography by saying, "If you see pornography...", rather he says we should use the phrase "When you are exposed to pornography..." That's right, WHEN.  Willoughby says 100% of high school graduates will be exposed to some type of pornography before they finish their high school years. What does this mean for our kids and the rising generation? Well, that all depends. Research out of Brigham Young University  examined effects of pornography use.  A major component of the research explored the "Damaged Goods Hypothesis"; the theory that some people come to view themselves as deficient or tainted, as a result of what they believe to be immoral behavior. Research found, the more shame a pe...

I am a Certified Life Coach who works primarily with Latter Day Saint women.  I often get asked what a life coach does, or how life coaching differs from therapy.  I think everyone should know! Tony Robbins describes it this way.  "The fundamentals of life coaching are what distinguish it from therapy.  Life coaches do not diagnose, while therapists determine illnesses and pathologies- so clients can be clinically treated.  Therapists analyze client's pasts as a tool for understanding present behaviors, whereas life coaches simply identify and describe current problematic behaviors so the client can work to modify them." A life coach might be helpful in: - Clarifying and achieving personal and professional goals - Working to improve communication and other relationship skills -Achieving work/life balance A therapist might be helpful in: - Recovering from past trauma -Working through depression and anxiety that inhibit daily functions - Sustainin...

Did you know adult attitudes toward sexual intimacy are largely conditioned during childhood and adolescence?   In our youthful years, we are like sponges absorbing and believing all that our parents and leaders tell us (or are afraid to tell us).  If you were taught that sex is bad, dirty, or should be avoided at all costs, you might be one of the otherwise well-adjusted wives who still think of intimate relations (even after marriage) as evil, wrong or just another chore.  This is what I want you to know if you are feeling this way. There is nothing wrong with you.  In fact it makes perfect sense that you feel this way. For years you were taught to bridle all those feelings.  Do not think about sexual desires.  Do not indulge in those types of behaviors.  Do not talk about those types of things....and the list goes on. Then one day you knelt across an altar and covenanted to "be one" for the rest of eternity and you were expected to flip ...