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An Open Letter to the One Who Just Doesn't Understand Why I Chose This Work

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I won’t lie.    I have struggled with being a people pleaser at some points in my life. Some of you will be surprised by that and some of you won’t.   The truth is, I think we all have a desire to be accepted and admired by the people in our circle. I ran across this quote recently, “If you can’t handle being talked about, then you’re not ready for success.” It made me stop.    I mean, I want to be successful…but am I ready to be talked about? Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about that yet.   I wasn’t “successful” for people to start talking about me.    I’d cross that bridge when I got to it. I just didn’t know it, but I WAS already there. I come from small town USA, and I love it!   I love the friendly gestures and hospitality.   The smiles, waves and friendly conversations in the check out lines, with complete strangers.   I even love the southern drawl that marks the words we speak. With this small town living also comes small town talk.
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Is Multitasking Ruing Your Intimacy?

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Hey there, You probably think being able to multitask is a good thing.   And, it can be when you have a million things to get done and a busy house to keep. When it comes to the bedroom though, multitasking can wreak havoc on your intimate life. One mom confided, “I love my husband and I love being with him, but my brain will not switch gears from mom-life to sex-life sometimes.   I can be right in the middle of the act and I will start thinking, ‘Did you remember to pack the lunches? Are the kids safe in their rooms?, Did you remember to turn the crock pot off?’ I just don’t know how to switch my brain.” Has this ever happened to you? One way to deal with this is to consciously close some of the tabs, before you spend time with your husband.  Having less to stress about or deal with can help your brain slow down and focus on what’s happening in the now. Taking time in the day to relax and refuel your energy are vital.  It’s not selfish! Ea
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Even the Bishop Needs Help Sometimes!

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We all need help. ALL of us find ourselves in need at some point. Have you ever wanted to seek help, but felt ashamed or embarrassed to talk to someone?  I have found these feelings to be especially prevalent when talking about marriage and intimacy.  Aren’t these things just supposed to naturally work themselves out?...not usually. Listen to this bishop’s story prior to seeking help. “Sex had been a disaster from the beginning of the marriage.  What made it worse was he felt that good Latter-day Saints shouldn’t have such problems.  He believed that if anyone should have a model marriage, the bishop and his wife should.  In fact, virtually everyone in the ward assumed they were the perfect couple, and he felt both hypocritical and a little bitter that the image was false.” In frustration, the bishop said, “Show me the justice of it.  We keep all the commandments.  We pay a full tithe and a lot more.  Neither of us has ever refused a calling.  We attend the temple regula
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The Healing Power of Touch

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Did you know physical touch has the power to heal by transferring vital energy between human beings? Dr. Harvey L Gochros explained, “We develop a form of emotional scurvy that we call by different terms: depression, stress, anxiety, aggression and midlife crisis.   Lack of touch is just as detrimental to our health as a lack of Vitamin C and just as easy to remedy.” So interesting! Human beings have a universal need for touch.    In one horrendous  study  babies actually died from the simple lack of touch. When intimacy is lacking in a marriage, serious consequences can also be found.   Lack of physical touch often leads our minds down a lonely path of feeling isolated, sad, depressed and unaccepted. To be clear intimacy doesn’t always imply sexual contact.   There are many ways to start filling your “touch bucket” right now.    1- Give lots of hugs 2- Hold hands 3- Stroke hair or skin 4- Snuggle or hold each other in the cradling position 5
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How to Talk to Your Husband About Intimacy

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What comes to mind when you think about talking to your husband about physical intimacy? It seems logical that we should talk about something so vital to our relationship, but for many women it also seems scary. Maybe you can relate... “It feels so awkward to talk about it.” “Every time we try to talk about it, it ends up in a fight.” “I don’t know how to express what I really feel inside. “If we talk about it, he’ll try to talk me into things I don’t feel like doing.” It might not be easy to start talking, but it can heal your soul when you start connecting on this level.   Expect it to feel uncomfortable at first, but do it anyway…because you deserve a happy marriage.   Here are my best tips to guide you through it! 1- Practice acceptance of each other first.   When both partners feel accepted by each other and are comfortable sharing non-intimate feelings, they are more open to sharing the more vulnerable parts of desire.   2- Choose
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Buffering...

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Does your phone or computer ever buffer? You know that little circle just keeps turning and you keep waiting. It can be a little frustrating at times, especially when it takes forever and nothing loads. Sometimes I buffer too.  In fact most of us do, and it isn't really good for us. As far as humans are concerned, buffering is what we do to avoid pain or a negative emotion.  When we are sad and we eat all the sugary foods.  When we are stressed and we veg out in front of the TV for hours.  When we are lonely and we scroll through Facebook half of the day.  These are all forms of buffering. Does it matter?  Probably.  If we buffer so much that we aren't able to stay present with our life and work through the emotions we are feeling, it can stifle our growth and cause us to become stuck in a place of suffering. Buffering or avoiding emotion does not make our negative emotions go away, it just makes us not see or feel them for a time. Unfortunately, we feel wor
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Should Shame EVER Be a Part of the Discussion About Pornography?

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Do you have teenagers?  Or kids that will one day be teenagers? If so, you have probably thought about the possibility of your child being exposed to porn. Brian Willoughby, BYU professor and researcher says we shouldn't be teaching our kids about pornography by saying, "If you see pornography...", rather he says we should use the phrase "When you are exposed to pornography..." That's right, WHEN.  Willoughby says 100% of high school graduates will be exposed to some type of pornography before they finish their high school years. What does this mean for our kids and the rising generation? Well, that all depends. Research out of Brigham Young University  examined effects of pornography use.  A major component of the research explored the "Damaged Goods Hypothesis"; the theory that some people come to view themselves as deficient or tainted, as a result of what they believe to be immoral behavior. Research found, the more shame a pe
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