Are Past Transgressions Hurting Your Relationship?

My husband tells me my brain is like a vault.  What that really means is, he thinks I remember every negative thing he has ever done.  He used to be worried that I would lock all of his mistakes or faults in my vault and later use them as ammunition in the heat of the moment. 

I confess, that I may have been guilty of this at one time or another, but I've learned something that has made me change the way I see the things from our past that get stored in the vault periodically. 

If you are having trouble letting go of past mistakes that your husband has made, you may benefit from what I have learned.  If you are continuing to experience hurt and pain over the choices your husband has made previously in your relationship, please keep reading.

First, can you do me a favor and be really open-minded for a second?  I want you to think about the possibility that the past cannot hurt you.  Absolutely nothing in the past can hurt you right now.  It's over.  It has already been done.  It cannot continue to cause you pain right now in this moment.  Therefore, nothing in your past needs to be changed in order for you to feel better.  

If this is really possible, then why can't you shake the feelings of anger, betrayal and hurt?The answer is simple.  It's because of your current thoughts about the past.  You only need to change the way you are currently thinking, right now in this moment, about the past.  This concept can change your entire relationship if you allow it. 

If you believe your husband is a horrible jerk, you are going to feel horrible.  If you believe your marriage was a terrible mistake, then you are going to feel terrible.  If you believe you are two imperfect people learning and growing together making the exact decisions and experiencing  the exact trials that you need to grow and become the best version of your self, you will use your life's experience to become the best possible version of yourself. 

Sometimes we want to feel hurt or angry.  If someone I love dies, I will want to feel sad about that.  If I am in an abusive situation, I will want to be angry with the person that has abused me and use that as motivation to get help and protect myself. There are times that negative emotion is appropriate. If you are at peace with the way your past is making you feel, congratulations!

However, if you sincerely want to feel better about your past, contact me here for a free 20 minute mini session.  I can help you sort through those thoughts that you can't seem to remove from the vault.  I'm hear to help you momma!