The WAY You Communicate

Good communication is one of the most important aspects of a good relationship.  I used to tell my husband this All. The. Time.  I thought I was such a good communicator because I was willing to talk when he wasn't.  Little did I know that my communication style was suffocating his desire to communicate.

After writing this post a few days ago, about communicating in a way that helps foster truth and openness with your partner, I had and "add-on" experience, that I thought I'd share.

In the previous post, I wrote about how my son broke some glass in my room. Somehow, I was able to not yell at him, and because of that he felt comfortable sharing the whole truth of the broken glass. We were then able to connect and work together to clean up the mess, and the whole thing actually turned out to be a positive experience for both of us.

I felt good about the fact that I was able to show him he could be honest with me, even when he thought I might not like the truth.  I believe that is so important in relationships of any kind.

Here's the add-on.  After he finally went to bed and I was able to sit down for a minute, I heard him crying.  Within seconds he was in my room again.  He was really upset and proceeded to tell me that he was having scary thoughts.  He was thinking about dying and was really scared that he didn't know what would happen if he died.  I was able to talk to him about feeling that way myself as a child.  We talked about the things that we believe will happen after this life.  We said a prayer together and were able to ask for him to feel comforted.  He went to his bed and I didn't hear from him again that night.

For the second time that evening I wondered what would have happened if I had lost my cool over the broken lights.  What if he had gone to bed thinking I was mad at him and that he was a bother in my life.  Would he have been able to come to me when he felt vulnerable and scared?  Would I have been the one he wanted to confide in and be comforted by?  Even if he had come to me, would we have been able to feel the Spirit as we prayed and talked about his fears?

I again thought of my relationship with my husband.  If I communicate with him in a way that is all about me and shuts him down, will it show him that I am the one he can come to when he is feeling vulnerable or scared?  Even if he does come to me (which he probably won't) will we be able to have the spirit of love and understanding present in our conversation?

Yes, communication is important in a relationship, but I believe the WAY we communicate is the most important.  It can be incredibly hard to bridle our emotions when we hear something that is disappointing or hurtful.  I get that big time, but with each interaction you have with your husband, you are teaching him what he can and cannot be open and honest about, with you.  What have you taught him about communicating with you up to this point in your relationship?

Need some help getting your communication skills refined?  I have been there too friend.  Contact me here for a free 20 minute mini session.